My call

                 

During most of my life I never felt like serving a mission was something I needed to do. As a faithful member of the LDS church I had thought about it. I know the good my three brothers gained from serving and I wouldn’t have minded getting to experience what they did. Well, God threw me a curve ball last week.
My family was traveling back from a week long vacation in Moab. We were about an hour into the trip and I was reading a book. As I read the doubts of the upcoming school year filled my mind. I hadn’t heard anything about making it into marching band, I didn’t feel right about the student loan I was applying for, etc. I thought if only I could get away for two years and serve a mission. Then I would have another chance to audition for marching band and my tendinitis would be much better and I would have loads of teaching experience. But I had never felt the draw to serve a mission before…
I felt a strong overwhelming love wash over my soul. Love without doubt. I knew then that I had just been called to serve. Though doubts and fears filled my mind, I knew that God wanted me to go. These thoughts haunted me for the rest of the day and into the next. I knew they weren’t going away, so I had to do something about it. I told my mom I want to serve a mission. She of course got all teary eyed. She had seen me struggling for the last couple days but didn’t want to intrude.
I feel at peace that I am going in the right direction. It came on suddenly and at first I was worried that I hadn’t prepared fully because I haven’t taken any mission prep classes, but I felt again that love telling me that I am prepared. I need to go. I am so excited to go. I can’t think of doing anything else with the next 18 months of my life.

ramblings of the heart

Today I was contemplating what the future will hold, and the dreams of my young heart. I think every girl has dreams and desires of their heart. Some dreams are given up for others and some desires change for better ones. I have a dream. I have a heart-felt desire, but I have no idea whether my dream will come true or whether the Lord lead me down a better, different path.

I have a Prince Charming who I have liked from the very first moment I met him years ago. He is off serving the Lord right now and gets back in a matter of months. We became good friends before he left and have written occasional letters. I haven't thought about him very much for a long while because his return date seemed so far away, but as it draws nearer I can't help but wonder what he will be like when he returns. I can't help but wonder if he will be my true Prince or if fate will bring another to my tower. For the last couple of months I've been giddy and my heart has run rampant with dreams. This last week, it stopped. I'm not sure why, but the sudden change in emotion has caused me to reflect and look deeper into myself and to think more sincerely about my dream. I have always acknowledged God's hand in my life and want the right Prince to be the one who will call my name so I may throw down my hair and invite him into my life for eternity. I am grateful now for the change in my heart. Without the giddiness and heart-racing emotions of a stricken young girl, I can think more clearly and accept the will of the Lord more readily. If he be the one who comes to my tower, I will be the happiest damsel on the face of the planet. If another who is equally worthy be the one, I will still rejoice in the wonders of love and life.

No matter what events unfold in the future, I know I will wait to enter the temple until it is the right time, in the right place, and with the right person. I am excited to meet the future worthy young man who will be mine, and I his, for the rest of eternity.

"Don't quit. Keep playing"

My sister posted this on her facebook. It hit me in a powerful way because I'm a musician and because I often feel a little inadequate both in music and life in general. I've had trial a plenty in my life, and I have personally felt the Master's arms of comfort, support, guidance, and enabling power surround me. I know He lives, and He loves every one of His children in a very sincere and personal way. He knows each of us individually by name and He knows our true potential. One of my greatest desires, even more than becoming an accomplished oboist, is to fulfill the potential my Master sees in me. I never want to disappoint Him, so I trudge along, stubbornly enduring to the end with complete faith and trust in the omnipotent hand leading me through this life.

Consider this story: A young piano student's mother, wishing to encourage him, “bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away.

“Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’

“His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And then, leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized.

“In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, ‘Keep playing.’” (As quoted by James E. Faust, Oct. 1999 General Conference, General Releif Society Session.)

Our True Identity

Something to be thankful for...

Thanksgiving is just under 3 weeks away, and I am getting more and more excited each day that passes by. One of my music major buddies mentioned the closeness of Thanksgiving earlier this week. All of a sudden, the tasks before me seemed less daunting because Thanksgiving is so close. On one side of the perspective coin, the fact that this holiday is looming ever closer means that I need to start thinking about the final projects in several of my classes, juries are looming ever closer, the orchestra concert is coming up quickly for which I still haven't solidified my parts, etc. On the other side of the coin, the holiday is a closer goal for which I can strive to endure before I take a break, I will get to see my family very soon after almost 3 months away from home, there are only a few weeks of the semester left after Thanksgiving, I will get to relax for a few days, I get to see the 7th Harry Potter Movie Part 1 the Saturday after the holiday, and I get to remember all of the things for which I am thankful.

I am most excited about the opportunity to be home and spend time with my family again. My home is truly a sanctuary from the world. Love abides there as does the Spirit of the Lord. I am always welcome there. The people I care about most on this earth will be there. We strive to build a piece of Zion there. And, it's just so packed with memories.

You may think I'm strange for doing this, but I start listening to Christmas music at the end of October or beginning of November every year. I'm not sure why I love it soooo much, but I do know that every time I listen to it, I'm reminded of home and all of the wonderful memories from this time of year. I remember the magic and light of the season and my heart is renewed at a time in the semester when I'm starting to wear down. I'm so grateful for this time of year and all the wonders it brings with enchanting decorations, glittering snow(if we get it), reminiscing of the past, dreams of the future, and the emphasis on my Savior.

This greeting may be a little early, but I am going to say it anyway: Happy Holidays!!!

A moment in the rain...

I stood quietly on the balcony of my apartment building overlooking the pool. Overhead the deep clouds reflected the night lights of the city. Rain fell softly on the leaves, pool, and concrete, and I heard the passing song of cars driving on the wet roads a building away. Something was chirping nearby. Chatter and small noises escaped from many rooms overlooking the pool, but all was still in my soul. Light flashed behind the mountain, outlining it's foggy majestic form. Quiet thunder echoed several seconds later, and I felt God's presence renew and calm my spirit. I breathed in the sweet smell of rain and felt the light drops on my head. The drops cleansed my spirit.

I wish I could stand here for minutes without end, drinking in the amazing nature of God. I rarely get the opportunity to slow down, stand still, and observe the world around me. If allowed, I could sit without moving amidst nature for hours, allowing my spirit to remember my Lord and basking in the beauty of His wondrous creations. I am so grateful for the opportunity to live, love, and learn on this beautiful earth.

When I was young, I was very frightened of thunderstorms. I remember one stormy summer afternoon when I my parents weren't home. I picked a happy movie from the shelves, went downstairs to the basement, put in the movie, turned up the volume, and laid down with one ear in a pillow. During some late night storms, I would try with little avail to cover both ears tightly with my pillow, only succeeding to endure a half-sleep until the storm abated. My mom encouraged me that the thunder was simply the sounds from angles bowling in the clouds. Sometimes my siblings and I would then listen to the thunder and call out the score of the angles according to the intensity of the rumble. Over time, I grew to love storms. While visiting my maternal grandparents in Lakeside, AZ one fire-filled summer, we had a couple thunderstorms a day. We would go out under the roof covered patio just in front of the large cabin and watch the healing rain fall through smokey air, listen to the thunder roll, and smell the clean, wet earth. Years later, I was spending the night in a cabin near Island Park, Idaho. After the sun set, a storm blew in. Lightning streaked the sky, thunder rolled, and rain poured down for several minutes in a powerful show. It was wonderful! The lightning and thunder that once brought fear to my small frame now fill my soul with the testimony of God's power. I rejoice in it and say, "What glorious weather!"

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds thy hands have made,

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy pow'r throughout the universe displayed;

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee,

How great thou art!How great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee,

How great thou art! How great thou art!

(LDS Hymns, 86, How Great Thou Art!)