Life is a funny thing. One of its favorite things to do is throw us curve balls, game changing pitches that throw our personal life plans out the window and make us start at ground zero again. These fateful pitches can be something of sorrow like death or health issues that arise. But they can also be something that brings great joy. They can grow so slowly that they sneak up on you without your notice or come on so suddenly that you have no idea what just hit you. My life is full of these game changers.Here are just a few:
Right after I finished my junior year of college, I had no plans to serve a mission. My twin sister was busy getting her papers ready to send in, and I was auditioning for the marching band and trying to figure out how I would survive without her. Not one month after the semester ended, God wound up for the curve ball. We were on our way home from a family trip and a stupor of thought overcame me, forcing me to put down the book I had been reading. As I thought about my worries of next semester, an outside thought slide past my mind: I could serve a mission. It was a punch to my spirit. It came out of nowhere and I argued with God for a good minute. I waited a whole day to tell anyone, and because the Holy Ghost would not let me live the feeling down, I broke down and told my mom. She was overjoyed. I started my papers, got my call the same time as my sister, served faithfully and have never regretted my choice.
I remember countless curve balls on my mission. Potential investigators suddenly progressing, miracle baptisms, converts dropping off the face of the earth, companion changes, transfers, training, etc. Each and every experience, good and bad, built a roller coaster of an experience that has made me infinitely stronger than I was before.
A slow comer was my tendinitis. I play oboe and struggled with my shoulders, hands, and wrists since high school. When I got to college, it did all right for a while, and then got worse, but I went on. I thought maybe 18 months on a mission would give them the break they needed, but it was just as bad when I returned. I got part way through that first semester back and knew it was bad, so I bought a fancy thumb rest and started physical therapy. I would have good days and bad days, but it never really improved. By January, I was getting pretty frustrated. I remember having one therapy session during which I was close to tears the whole time. When I finished, I got in my car and immediately broke down crying in frustration. This was my last year in the oboe studio, and I wanted to play, to push myself, and become a wonderful performer. I had been thinking about doing a recital too. I basically yelled at God in one of the most outspoken, heartfelt prayers I've ever given. After a few minutes, and my temper cooling down, the Spirit whispered to me my answer: I had nothing to prove as a performer. I was already a good musician and would always be so, whether I played oboe or not. God wanted me to be a teacher, not a performer. From then, though I was still saddened by my condition, I trusted God more. I talked to my professor, and we lightened my playing load. I still had several small successes as a player and a reed maker that semester, and I think I became a better musician by being humbled in that way than I would have in my way.
Now, a good portion of my curve balls come in the form of dating. For example, I always thought growing up that I would be one of those girls who got married young, before they were old enough to go on a mission. Well, that didn't happen. In fact, the only guys I dated before my mission were pre-missionaries themselves...go figure. For a year after my mission, I barely dated. No one was asking. Then, game changer, I've had three boyfriends in the last 4 months....That's not normal for me at all. Each one has it's story of meeting, going on dates, becoming closer, deciding to date officially, and then breaking it off. And still, I'm unmarried (what's ironic is that my twin sister who dated even less than me, found one guy, dated, got engaged, and is now happily married...go figure she would be the first one). I often ask myself and God when it will be my turn. Why, if my sister could get married after dating so few, did I have to endure so many heartbreaks? That answer has come on slowly, piece by piece. My sister and I had different lessons to learn, or the same lesson in different ways. As I've looked inward, I have found my many weaknesses. I have a hard time trusting others completely. I have a hard time confronting conflict. I had a hard time being myself and communicating clearly. I didn't have a clue what it means to really love outside of my family. Each relationship I've had, each guy I've dated, has taught me not only the qualities I really want in a future eternal companion, but also the qualities I want in myself. What I bring to the table is just as important as what the guy does. So I'm learning how to be my best self, how to give of myself unselfishly, how to communicate, how to trust, how to love. And it has also solidified in my mind and heart the standard of living I want in my home, dictating what kind of man I really do want to marry.
Now curve balls come great and small, quickly or over a long period of time, and as crazy as it sounds, I'm grateful for them. If my life was the way I wanted it 10 years ago, I would never have had the experiences I had or learned the lessons I learned or became the woman I am today. I worked with a substitute teacher a few months back and she told me something interesting. She said that she has learned when she makes plans, God always changes them. Her advice to me was to make plans so that God could break them. My words to her now would be: Thank you God for botched plans. So, no matter what lies ahead, I'll press forward, trying to figure out what's coming next, and then roll with the punches when they come. Faith is moving forward trusting that God's got everything under control, despite those pesky curve balls.
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