Waiting…

Right now I am waiting. In 30 minutes I will find out where the Lord has called me to serve. My sister who is also going on a mission is a lot more excited than I am. I think it’s because she has been anticipating this day for a long while whereas I decided to go less then two months ago. My feelings, though strong, are of a different sort. I feel great anticipation, nervousness, and a little bit of fear. I am a little afraid that the call will say I’m not meant to serve a mission and then I’ll have to change my plans all over again.
Plans aren’t the only reason why I would be sad not to go, because I received a very strong answer from God, one I was not expecting, telling me to serve a mission and if I can’t go, I will feel like I’m letting Him down. So, no matter where I am called to serve, I just want to follow the path God is laying before me. I want to do my best to learn everything I can and help everyone I need to help while in this life, so I can return home faithfully and tell my God that I have done as He asked, so that He may smile down at me and say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I want to keep my second estate so that when I leave it, I will be eligible to receive the cleansing power of the Atonement and enter my Father’s Kingdom sealed to an eternal family and capable of continual progression.
In my patriarchal blessing the Lord told me that He needs my help to bring to pass His work and glory: the immortality and eternal life of man. Though imperfect as I am, I wish to fulfill this request in every way possible.
Lord, let me serve you. I’m ready and waiting to serve your children. I’ll go where you want me to go.

My call

                 

During most of my life I never felt like serving a mission was something I needed to do. As a faithful member of the LDS church I had thought about it. I know the good my three brothers gained from serving and I wouldn’t have minded getting to experience what they did. Well, God threw me a curve ball last week.
My family was traveling back from a week long vacation in Moab. We were about an hour into the trip and I was reading a book. As I read the doubts of the upcoming school year filled my mind. I hadn’t heard anything about making it into marching band, I didn’t feel right about the student loan I was applying for, etc. I thought if only I could get away for two years and serve a mission. Then I would have another chance to audition for marching band and my tendinitis would be much better and I would have loads of teaching experience. But I had never felt the draw to serve a mission before…
I felt a strong overwhelming love wash over my soul. Love without doubt. I knew then that I had just been called to serve. Though doubts and fears filled my mind, I knew that God wanted me to go. These thoughts haunted me for the rest of the day and into the next. I knew they weren’t going away, so I had to do something about it. I told my mom I want to serve a mission. She of course got all teary eyed. She had seen me struggling for the last couple days but didn’t want to intrude.
I feel at peace that I am going in the right direction. It came on suddenly and at first I was worried that I hadn’t prepared fully because I haven’t taken any mission prep classes, but I felt again that love telling me that I am prepared. I need to go. I am so excited to go. I can’t think of doing anything else with the next 18 months of my life.

"Don't quit. Keep playing"

My sister posted this on her facebook. It hit me in a powerful way because I'm a musician and because I often feel a little inadequate both in music and life in general. I've had trial a plenty in my life, and I have personally felt the Master's arms of comfort, support, guidance, and enabling power surround me. I know He lives, and He loves every one of His children in a very sincere and personal way. He knows each of us individually by name and He knows our true potential. One of my greatest desires, even more than becoming an accomplished oboist, is to fulfill the potential my Master sees in me. I never want to disappoint Him, so I trudge along, stubbornly enduring to the end with complete faith and trust in the omnipotent hand leading me through this life.

Consider this story: A young piano student's mother, wishing to encourage him, “bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away.

“Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’

“His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And then, leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized.

“In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, ‘Keep playing.’” (As quoted by James E. Faust, Oct. 1999 General Conference, General Releif Society Session.)

He's smart

It never ceases to amaze me that the Lord knows exactly what He is doing when He does it.

For instance, he knew that I needed to be spiritually challenged this summer, so he put me in the Relief Society presidency in my young single adult branch. I could have slid by with another easy calling like what I've had in my school wards--on the enrichment meeting or music committee--or past callings in the branch like being on the activities committee. No, this summer He knew I would slack a little if He didn't push (not going inactive or anything, just not being as diligent personal study-wise), and He knew I could bless someone else's life in the meantime.

Thank you God for giving me what I needed.